Good Love Is Easy. Great Love Takes This.
Your invitation to a great relationship.
I’ve discovered a handful of qualities that take a relationship from good to something greater— deeper, more resilient, and more exciting.
Recently, I had the pleasure of officiating my friends’ wedding. In preparing for it, I took a deep dive into their love story—and it gave me a whole new appreciation for their connection.
I often write about my own relationship, but today, I want to share a bit about theirs. They have what I like to call an Amplifier Relationship—a connection that expands and inspires others. Their story serves as an inspiration to reflect on our own romantic relationships or, for those who are single, to identify the qualities to seek when building one.
(P.S. Beyond personal anecdote, all these relationship discoveries are also backed up by other psychological research.)
1. Their Values Lay the Groundwork
Shared values serve as a compass that guides two people in the same direction, even when life becomes chaotic, challenging, or confusing. They set the tone for what we prioritize. They can help us navigate conflict. They point us in the direction of the type of legacy we want to build.
When we take inventory of the relationships in our lives (whether romantic or friendship!), the most long-lasting connections are those built on a sense of shared values.
When my friends first met, their conversations circled around what they wanted in a life. They connected over their shared Midwestern roots, a work-life balance, and prioritizing family. Their principles included treating others with kindness and always acting with integrity. And they both valued adventure – skiing, hiking, traveling and exploring new places.
Just because our values align with someone else’s doesn’t mean we’re a perfect match in every way, but it does mean we’re moving through life with a similar purpose. And research shows that couples who agree on core values and life goals tend to experience less conflict and greater life satisfaction long-term (Journal of Marriage and Family).
2. They Show Up As Their Authentic, Imperfect Selves
There’s a freedom that comes from knowing you are loved for who you really are.
Strong relationships thrive when both individuals have the freedom to show up as their authentic, imperfect selves. This means allowing ourselves to fully experience our emotions, without fear of expressing them. It’s about speaking our truth—even if it’s messy or imperfectly delivered. It’s about sharing our quirks and deepest vulnerabilities, without the pressure to appear flawless. (For more thoughts on relationship authenticity, feel free to read my writing here.)
My friends allow space for all their feelings and emotions to arise. Whether it’s an intense excitement or processing of deep sorrow, they know that they can do that in the space of the other, feel seen by their partner, and still feel loved. They also meet one another with curiosity. By getting curious about the other person’s feelings and life experience, they understand one another’s reality a bit more, which brings them closer.
When a relationship becomes a space where we feel seen and accepted, we not only deepen our connections, but also open the door for mutual growth and transformation. Studies have found that authenticity in relationships is closely tied to higher emotional intelligence, improved long-term relationships, and increased overall life satisfaction (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology).
3. They See: Problems vs. You + Me
Strong couples don’t fight against each other. They fight for the relationship.
My friends approach everything like a team. They navigate challenges by communicating openly. They find solutions instead of keeping score. They know that their wins are shared, and so are their struggles. The pair has had to move multiple times in a few short years, dealt with the emotional stress of entrepreneurship, and processed loss and deep grief. But in each situation, they remind each other: “We’re in this together.” Though they’ve only been in relationship for a handful of years, their teamwork lays a healthy foundation for the life they’re building together.
Studies show that a teammate dynamic in relationships reduces ego and increases resilience. And couples who effectively manage stress together, adapting to each other's support needs, can enhance their connection and increase their happiness (Source: University of Tennessee and eHarmony.)
Relationships are a team sport. If we have an unwilling partner, we’ll never make it, because we’re not behaving like a team. (Side note: being on a team doesn’t mean losing ourselves. It means considering the collective in our decision-making.)
4. They Master the Art of Repair
All relationships have disagreements or arguments. There are moments when we will naturally misunderstand one another; that’s the nature of being in a relationship with another human being.
Relationship researcher John Gottman says that the ability to repair after a fight is one of the strongest predictors of lasting love. Not whether you fight.
My friends don’t shy away from conflict. After a challenging moment, they take time to regroup and center themselves. Once they’re ready, they check in with each other and ask, “How can we handle this differently next time?”
Moments of repair require us to set aside our egos and return to acting like a team (point #3!).
Though it’s not always easy, we can start small. We can ask, “I want to understand you better. Can we talk?” or something like, “What can we learn from this experience?” Questions that lead with curiosity have the power to transform communication, repair conflict, and offer deeper reconnection after moments of disconnect.
5. They Play. They Celebrate.
Play and celebration are essential. Play reminds us not to take everything so seriously. It reconnects us to joy, spontaneity, and pleasure that keep our relationships fresh and full of life as time goes on.
My friends effortlessly bring joy and playfulness into their relationship. They uncover magic in everyday moments and find reasons to celebrate the ordinary. They’ll have a champagne and caviar night a random Tuesday. A weeknight might become a very impassioned Catan game night. They’ll bring out wigs and have impromptu dance parties. They’re building a life that prioritizes joy.
Couples that laugh together, play together, and intentionally make time for joy are significantly happier in their relationships (Source: Journal of Research in Personality). And it makes sense—when we genuinely enjoy being with someone, it brings lightness to our life.
Diving into my friends’ story was a powerful reminder of what it takes to elevate a relationship from simply good to something truly great.
The five elements are an invitation—an opportunity to take inventory of our relationships. To notice where we might build something stronger and more full of life. And if we’re beginning a new relationship, they offer us clues about what to look out for.
Which of the above resonated most for you? Did I miss something crucial that’s made your relationships more meaningful or enduring? I’d love to hear your thoughts x
I'll settle for even good love.
Great article! Congratulations on officiating your friends’ wedding. What an honor!