Being understood by someone is peak intimacy

What happens when someone finally sees you

One of the most underrated feelings in a relationship is feeling understood. Not in a mind-reading way. Not in a they know every word before we say it kind of way. But in a way that makes us feel deeply connected and at ease. Where simply being next to someone makes the world feel a little less lonely.

There’s something special about feeling at peace with someone. When we can share without rehearsing. When silence doesn’t feel awkward. When we don’t feel the need to perform or over-explain. When we can be ourselves fully and trust that we won’t have to over-explain ourselves.

We feel this type of understanding when the person in front of us actually listens. When they remember the small things. When they notice patterns. When they ask follow-up questions. When there’s an energy of curiosity instead of judgment. Openness and tenderness instead of defensiveness. A genuine desire to understand our why, not just our words.

In psychology, this is often referred to as emotional attunement — the experience of being emotionally met, of having emotional cues read and appropriately responded to.

Sometimes, we meet people who feel like home almost immediately; we feel a comfort and familiarity that puts us at ease. But long-term understanding doesn’t come from chemistry alone. It comes from willingness. From slowly, deliberately revealing ourselves.

If we only share a part of who we are, keeping the rest hidden, we quietly reinforce the belief that parts of us aren’t worthy of being known. But when we choose to show more, to share the nuances, subtleties, and eccentricities of who we are, something remarkable happens. The person in front of us learns us more deeply. And at the same time, we learn about ourselves more deeply, too. That’s how vulnerability and trust are able to grow and expand. (Side note: I recognize that this openness requires that we feel safe enough with another person, and it’s not something we can do with everyone.)

Carl Rogers, an influential psychologist, once wrote: “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

People want to feel understood. This is because understanding softens loneliness. It confirms that our experiences matter. That our inner world isn’t strange or isolated. That are feelings are legitimate. That someone else can hold it with us.

From a psychological standpoint, feeling understood feels like love, because it signals to our nervous system that we’re safe. (On the flip side, when we feel unseen or misunderstood, stress and tension are triggered within our body).

True understanding validates our emotions, affirms our identity, and allows us to fully relax within a relationship. It also ties back to early attachment bonds, reflecting the earliest love many of us knew: being emotionally attuned to as a newborn, held, and appreciated as we were. The combination of safety, validation, and ease is what makes understanding in relationships so transformative.

Being seen by another human being — someone we also see and care about — might be one of the most meaningful experiences we can have. It sounds simple, but it’s rare.

If we want to be seen, if we want deeper connection with romantic partners, family members, or friends, we have to be willing to share our inner world. People can’t guess what we’re feeling. They can’t assume what we need, like, or fear. We have to show them. We have to reveal ourselves.

And on the flip side, allowing someone else to be seen is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. But it requires presence. Slowing down. Paying attention. Picking up on small cues like tone changes, pauses, what’s said and what isn’t. Getting curious and asking bigger questions. This is how relationships become places where people feel safe enough to be real.

One of my ex-boyfriends recently shared that he’s always felt deeply connected to me, even after our romance evolved into friendship. His reason? He felt truly understood by me. He said few people had ever given him that—the ability to hold space for who he was without judgment, and instead with curiosity and care.

I’m a big believer that being curious to understand someone and their inner world is essential in any healthy relationship. To me, it’s the ultimate love language.

Understanding someone means seeing them as they are, not as we wish they would be. That’s real emotional maturity. And feeling understood doesn’t just come from finding the right person. It comes from becoming someone who’s willing to see and be seen.

Seeing and being seen and understood is peak intimacy. Photo © Masters in Relationship, 2025

Can you think back to your most meaningful relationships? Is there a common thread of feeling deeply seen? And if you’re in a relationship now, do you feel the magic of being seen?

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Thank you so much for reading along. I’m so grateful to have you here.

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