The phrase that keeps love alive
And no, it's not "I love you."
The other day, I woke up in a weird mood. I felt edgy, irritable. Little things that wouldn’t normally bother me started getting under my skin.
That morning, my partner and I had set aside time to work together on a creative project. But as we got into it, I noticed myself getting snappy and frustrated. I was short with him. I wasn’t as patient as I usually am. I was stuck in my own mood of irritation, and took it out on him without meaning to.
In other words, I wasn’t showing up as my best self.
Yes, I was being human—and humans have moods (that’s part of the deal)! But part of being human is also learning how to stay aware of the energy we carry and how it affects others. It means taking responsibility for our behavior, even in the messier moments.
(Side note: I’ve done a lot of inner work to not offload my own frustrations onto someone else. I recognize that when I’m in my own mood, I need to work through it on my own. I need to feel it, perhaps journal about it, and release it, not letting it affect my loved ones. Though I consciously know this, there are still times when the mood wins.)
After a few minutes of sitting with how I’d behaved, I walked over to my partner, wrapped my arms around him, and said:
“I’m sorry. I didn’t speak with kindness. I was personally frustrated and let it leak into how I interacted with you.”
Then I added, with a little laugh, “I guess being in a relationship is learning to say I’m sorry… a lot.”
He pulled me in a little closer and said, “It’s okay. You’re allowed to feel off or irritated… and I appreciate your apology.”
No one can handle every situation perfectly. No one can always be in a good mood. No one can know exactly how to perfectly respond at all times or handle each situation in the ideal manner. We’re all learning as we go. (P.S. My partner also apologizes when he does something wrong. Neither of us is perfect.)
For me, the real measure of success isn’t perfection, it’s growth. I’m not striving to be flawless anymore, because I know I never will be (hello, recovering perfectionist!).
What I am aiming for is forward motion: to know when to apologize, to become more aware, and to become a better version of myself along the way. In this way, I can also allow my relationship to become its best version, too.
In order to learn to say “I’m sorry,” we must possess self-awareness. Self-awareness is what allows us to catch ourselves in moments of misalignment. We can also add a bit of humility to help us take ownership of our mistakes or our less-than-ideal behavior. To admit that we weren’t at our best and that someone else felt the ripple of that.
Psychologists have long emphasized the power of sincere apologies in maintaining strong, healthy relationships. According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, heartfelt apologies (the kind that acknowledge harm and express genuine remorse) are deeply tied to emotional trust and long-term relational satisfaction.
In short, when we repair well, we grow stronger.
As Brené Brown puts it: “Integrity is choosing courage over comfort… It’s practicing your values, not just professing them.”
Owning our impact, especially when it’s uncomfortable, is part of that practice. Saying “I’m sorry” when we feel we’ve fumbled is important.
We don’t need to shame ourselves for not getting things right every time. But we do need to take responsibility, speak our apologies with honesty, (and as best we can) try to not repeat the same behaviors again.
When it comes to love, it’s all about having the courage to say sorry, truly mean it, and then show up in our relationship, again and again.
Great article... Indeed, we're all human and no one is perfect - messing up is inevitable but how we handle our 'fumbles' matters, too.
It's so important to be able to say "I'm sorry" to the person you love and who you know loves you back... But I've learned that apologizing is about more than self-awareness and courage through humility. For some, it's unlearning emotional retreat to be able to step outside of their vulnerability in order to connect with others, especially the people they care about deeply, the ones they love.
The thing is the sooner you make the move, have the talk, say what needs to be said - the faster you can return to enjoying each other and your inner peace again, and it's worth it.