Can you love what is?

Presence, acceptance, and gratitude

After moving into my new apartment last month, I noticed myself constantly wanting things to be different than they were. I was in a beautiful apartment that I had been renovating during the summer months, and yet, I was not mentally present.

I wanted to buy all the furniture (and immediately!) so that I could create an environment that felt good. I wanted the bedroom to be ready – I was sick of sleeping on the mattress on the floor. I needed dishes –ceramics that I loved – instead of the paper plates and plastic cutlery that was an interim solution.

Instead of appreciating the present for all that it was and feeling grateful for how far I’d come in manifesting this incredible apartment, I was caught up in wanting more, wanting things to be different. (Side note: I realize how blessed I am to have the things I do, and yet, my human mind tends to ask for more or want something other than what’s currently present).   

Naturally, these thoughts made me anxious. They disconnected me from the present moment and put my mind into a spiral. I wasn’t engaging with the reality of life, but overthinking and wanting things to be different.

After a few days of this internal agonizing, I had a moment of clarity.

I realized I was driving myself crazy, and the only person who could get me out of this state was the same one who had put me into it in the first place—me.

Many of us spend mental time away from our current realities.

We want things to be different than they currently are. Sometimes, we want to be different than how we are.

It happens when we hope to have a relationship, but we’re single. When we want to lose weight (or gain some!) and are unhappy with our present circumstances. We wish for and wait for the next trip or adventure instead of enjoying our day-to-day life.

So often, we’re reaching for the next moment in time, hoping that it’ll bring us the happiness or solace we’re searching for.

When we get away from loving the present moment, we create a lot of unnecessary stress, anxiety, and frustration. We rob ourselves of the beauty of what is. We forget to enjoy what we have right now.

My favorite spiritual teacher, Michael Singer, always brings me back to the appreciation of “now”.

He reminds us that if we can appreciate what is currently happening, versus wanting things to be something else, we can be more present and joyful. (If you haven’t listened to him before, he just launched a podcast with weekly talks on this and similar subjects.)  

As humans, it’s hard to not think about how we might evolve or make our current circumstances better. It’s hard not to overthink what might be. A friend of mine has a saying that we should always keep one foot in the present and one foot in the future. This allows us to still consider the future, but focus our efforts on the only controllable element we have – the present moment.

But how can we start loving the present more?

The first step is acceptance of what’s currently going on. Buddhists talk about how acceptance of the present moment is the key to reducing internal dissatisfaction. It helps stop the mind from struggling against reality, which leads to greater peace and presence of what is.

Acceptance means that when we go through discomfort or challenges, we can still tune in and accept our current circumstance. We can try to appreciate what’s in front of us, and the magic of life that’s here for us to experience (even if it’s not exactly what we hoped for or what we wanted for ourselves.)

To me, acceptance also means going inward to try to understand the lessons at play – what can I learn from this situation? What clues is it giving me about how I am, or how I want to be in the world? (Side note: I recognize this is much easier said than done, especially if/when the present circumstances are super challenging.) With my recent move, I’ve been tuning into lessons of patience, imperfection, surrender, and flow.

The second step in generating more appreciation for the present moment consists of developing a gratitude practice. JP recently reminded me that when we practice gratitude, we are in a state of abundance, acknowledging all the things we have. When we think about what we don’t have, we tune into the energy of lack.

Whether we’re jotting down a gratitude list or sharing moments of thanks with friends, any act of seeing beauty in the present moment allows us to focus on our current reality. It’s also a way to move through any negativity and focus on the positivity of the current moment. Moments of gratitude are a defense against negative thinking.

I recently began a daily gratitude practice with a dear friend. At the end of each day, we send each another a quick Whatsapp with the highlights of the day – whether they’re big life events or mundane ones. Instead of overthinking my apartment and all the things that have yet to be completed or fixed, I’ve been focusing on what I’m grateful for:

“The yellow lilies Katie bought at the farmer’s market last Saturday. The light that comes through the apartment in the morning. The outdoor showers JP and I have been taking on hot Lisbon days. Hosting the outdoor dinners with my dearest friends.”

Everything is in constant flux. Emotions, people, relationships, experiences. If we don’t take the time to accept what is and be grateful for the present moment (and the lessons that might be coming along with it) we might look back wishing we did.

I’ve dreamt of building a home for years. Now, that moment is here. I want to be fully immersed and present. And I want to practice savoring it, versus thinking about the next thing I want to fix or create.

How can you appreciate what you’re going through right now, even if it’s not the ideal situation? Are there learnings you can draw from the experience? Is there a gratitude practice you can start? Feel free to share x

Savoring this moment, surrounded by soul friends in the backyard I've dreamed of for hosting dinners.