Loving My Body
Every experience we go through can be seen as something that is happening to us, or it can be seen as something that is happening for us. (Side note, this isn’t a realization that’s come to me over night. I’ve had to train myself to think this way, over many years, and I still fall prey to getting into a victim-mode at times).
A few years ago, I started having digestive issues. Last summer, I finally pinpointed the problem, recognizing it as SIBO (short for small intestine bacteria overgrowth). There’s lots of information on this subject, and if you’re curious, I’m a self-proclaimed SIBO expert by this point, so please feel free to reach out.
In June, I started the initial treatment, in hopes of eradicating the bacteria. I underwent an antimicrobial supplement protocol, cut out all the foods that supposedly aggravated symptoms, along with sugar, gluten, dairy, and alcohol. I spent the whole summer on this protocol (which isn’t the easiest when you enjoy a chilled glass of red wine with friends).
By the fall, I still didn’t feel good. I gave my body everything it was supposed to need. Whole foods, nourishment, lots of sleep, meditation and breathwork to ease daily stress, saunas and cold plunges to sweat out toxins. Something was still off. I felt worse than when I began the process.
I took another test to see what was going on. Instead of eradicating the bacteria, it had actually grown.
My body was still not doing what I wanted. What I thought she was supposed to do.
In January, I decided to go with the final option and start an intense fourteen-day regiment of antibiotics. The two weeks of the treatment was challenging. I had just moved to Lisbon and was alone. I spent two weeks curled up in my friend’s apartment, with very little energy to do anything. The nausea was intense, and it felt like my gut was being wiped out.
This time, instead of blaming my body for what I was feeling, I knew I needed to act differently. I recognized how much my body was doing for me every day. Yes, the bacteria was still present and was affecting my life, but I was taking for granted all the things my body did for me.
My body produces feel-good dopamine and serotonin that enable me to have a positive and upbeat mood. She regulates my sleep, giving me incredible nights of rest. She keeps my immune system strong, and subsequently keeps me feeling good most of the time. My body breaths, self regulates, and controls an intricacy of functions. She has a mind of her own and is vastly more intelligent than I will ever understand.
Here I was, angry at her for not complying the way I expected her to. As if my body needed to give me the exact output that I was hoping for.
That’s not how relationships work best.
I started treating my body like the other relationships in my life. Instead of assuming that I was feeding her what she wanted and looking for a cause and subsequent effect, I started asking how I could support her.
Each evening, before I went to bed, I’d place my hands on my lower abdomen and thank my body for doing what she was doing.
I started treating this body as a team-member, versus something I needed to control.
I am not my body, I am in a symbiotic relationship with her. I cannot will things into existence, but I can listen, learn to be patient, and lay the right foundation — as with any other relationship.
In the morning, I would do the same thing. I said a quick thank you, gave a little squeeze, and reminded her that she’s healing; that we’re healing.
Positive psychology and positive thinking benefits both the body and the mind. Dr. Joe Dispenza often speaks about the strong connection between the mind and the body. He suggests that our thoughts and emotions can influence our physical health and well-being. When we adopt positive beliefs, we can also create more favorable internal environments that support healing and personal transformation.
I’m committed to treating my body with love, kindness, and positivity. I’m no longer getting angry at her for not doing exactly I want, in the time frame that I want it done in. I’m listening, allowing her to heal, and working to support her along the way.
I took another SIBO test earlier this week to see if we’ve finally eradicated and cleared the bacteria out, or if we still have a bit more work to do. Either way, this experience is allowing me to have a newfound appreciation for all my body does. It’s allowing me to build a deeper relationship that’s more unconditional in nature.
Serendipitously, I came across this poem by Hollie Holden earlier this week:
Today I asked my body what she needed,
Which is a big deal
Considering my journey of
Not Really Asking That Much.I thought she might need more water.
Or protein.
Or greens.
Or yoga.
Or supplements.
Or movement.But as I stood in the shower
Reflecting on her stretch marks,
Her roundness where I would like flatness,
Her softness where I would like firmness,
All those conditioned wishes
That form a bundle of
Never-Quite-Right-Ness,
She whispered very gently:Could you just love me like this?
