Being single, for me, means being partnerless while dating individuals in a casual way.
I’ve been on my own for over seven years, though I’ve dated a handful of people during this time. Because the past years have been solo, it’s difficult to remember a time when my headspace was shared in romantic partnership.
I’ve had moments of hopelessness, frustrated that romantic connections haven’t come through. I’ve tried online dating, have gotten set up with friends of friends, and opened myself up to events and gatherings focused on conscious relationships. I’ve given my number to strangers, met people via social media, and even tried dating people who were initially just friends. None of these experiences have led me to a partner.
While I’m single, I recognize the beauty of my life. I’m blessed with diverse, fulfilling experiences. I shouldn’t need more.
Still, humans are prone to Negativity Bias, which refers to the tendency for our minds to pay more attention to setbacks and challenges, versus positive aspects of life. In this case, my Negativity Bias has focused on being partnerless, versus seeing all the things that are flowing beautifully in my life.
When I look at what’s missing, I consider companionship and physical intimacy that comes along with a deeper romantic relationship. I’m becoming sensitive to building a hyper-independent life, instead of an inter-dependent one. I wonder if I’m missing out on experiences that coupled people and families get to have.
Before I start feeling sorry for myself, I remember that many of my closest friends are in the same dating situation. They’re incredible women– creative, kind, outgoing, feminine, multi-faceted, have interesting careers and have done the inner work, and yet, they’re single.
We’re not looking for a modern-day prince charming, but after years of being on our own, we aren’t willing to settle for something that doesn’t feel like a full body yes. We’re looking for the partner. Not just a partner. (P.S. A full body yes is when our mind, body and spirit want to move forward with a decision. More on this in a future post.)
Instead of looking at the one thing that I don’t have, I’ve learned (and am consciously choosing) to look at all the things that I do have. I have a beautifully full life. I’m blessed with incredible family and friends, a connected and active social life, appreciate the work I do, and have time for my creativity and passion projects.
If I hadn’t been on my own these past years, I would not have grown and changed in the ways that I have. Each connection I’ve been exposed to has taught me about myself, what’s important to me, and what’s not.
Personal development and spiritual growth aren’t about getting everything that we want, but rather taking what we’re experiencing and making the most of it. Understanding that we can’t have everything we want, all at once. And making meaning of the lessons that the experience brings us.
I want to continue to love what life’s mirroring back to me and where I am today. Single, or not, I commit to living the most open, expansive life.
P.S. There’s still a part of me that’s waiting to build that special relationship. And that’s okay ᵕ̈
Absolutely beautiful picture ♥️