Clarifying Communication
Clarifying Communication
Avoid misunderstandings with the Airplane Method
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.”
–Khalil Gibran
It’s simple to misunderstand one another, even when we practice having open and honest dialogue.
This is because every person views and understands the world through a unique lens shaped by their experiences, cultural background, education, and personal beliefs. This perspective, known as a worldview, inherently carries biases and preconceived notions. (Consider the simple game of telephone, and how quickly things go astray in that scenario).
We can feel that we’re on the same page as another person (whether it’s our friend, partner, or family member) but in truth, we’re always taking in different inputs and uniquely interpreting them. This means we can empathize with someone’s worldview and simultaneously misunderstand their perspective.
As much as I feel that I understand my boyfriend (and he feels similarly), we’ve made it a point to prioritize a clear communication practice.
Recently, we’ve implemented a communication technique we like to call the Airplane Method. The Airplane Method is also known as “Closed-Loop Communication,” and is typically used with pilots and air traffic controllers. It was originally designed for high-stakes environments, such as aviation, where miscommunication can have serious consequences, but we’ve found that it’s also effective in personal relationships. (P.S. we don’t use this type of communication on a regular basis – we do it in the context of more important situations, when resolving things, talking about a big decision we want to make, or when something’s upsetting us.)
A few weeks ago, JP was sharing some of his latest project dreams with me. While he was explaining his vision, I was listening, but my mind started making a variety of connections and assumptions. I began to read between the lines – creating my own interpretations of what he was saying. Instead of asking additional questions or clarifying his thoughts, I started to jump to conclusions as to what I thought he meant.
He recognized that there might be some misunderstanding, and because this was an important conversation, he paused for a moment and asked, “Would you mind repeating to me, what you heard me say?”
I explained what I thought I heard. I then shared how I interpreted the information shared.
He gently corrected me – I had misunderstood what he was trying to convey.
We’re constantly creating our own narratives about what we hear, using our worldview and perception to make sense of what another person is sharing with us. Sometimes, we even use different terminology and language to describe things, which also limits our understanding of what another person might want to convey (for instance, JP is Belgian, and though his English is impeccable, it’s not his first language. Sometimes, he uses words and phrases that connote something different to me than they do to him). Inherent differences in understanding make it even more important to clarify messages – especially in the most important conversations.
JP repeated his vision again, this time, with additional context. Afterwards, I repeated what I heard. Now, we were on the same page.
The Airplane Method ensures that there’s clarity in communication and prevents misunderstandings by repeating or paraphrasing what was heard before making a decision or taking action.
The way it works is simple.
Sharing: One person (e.g. your partner, friend, or family member) communicates a message or some type of instruction.
Acknowledgement: The receiver of the message (e.g. you) repeats or paraphrases the information, to confirm that it has been understood correctly.
Confirmation: The sharer of the message confirms that the repeated message is correct (if it’s not, they will provide clarification, until mutual understanding is achieved).
The Airplane Method initially seemed silly to me. I thought that repeating what I heard from JP might feel condescending. Since we’ve started using it, however, I’ve reframed the method to become an invitation to ensure that what’s being said connects in the right way. The Airplane Method is a tool that allows us to make sure that what we hear is in fact what was meant.
(P.S. There’s a similar communication method that’s used in peer-coaching, where one individual repeats what they heard from the other by saying, “I’m hearing that… [insert what you’re hearing]. Is my interpretation correct?” This is another way of bringing in Airplane Method-type communication into our relationships.)
By adopting the Airplane Method, we can improve the quality of our interactions and ensures both people are understood. It also reduces the risk of miscommunication, which is critical in maintaining healthy relationships.
I’m always looking to learn more ways on how to grow my personal library of tools. Do you have other communication techniques that have supported your relationships? Feel free to comment below ♥
